i hate love

shaking because of loneliness and abandonment of someone who doesn't even seem to care how I am, you never called to see how I was, you called to ask for a favour. So sick of always being put after other people by someone who I am always putting first. So absolutely sick of it. I have sobbed for a solid 25 minutes, like, the really audible kind. I am exhausted of so often sitting on my bed with my heart in my throat. Taken for granted. Thrown to the side. All the time. Treated as a person only when something is needed or wanted. Otherwise I am a ghost.

The same person said on saturday about a mutual friend "why would you treat your friends like that, who ever has that right?", seriously man. Seriously?

I refuse to deal with this any longer until you realise how much I cussing do for you and how much I am constantly thinking of you, so often you have promised and you have promised to reciprocate and nothing comes of your talk.

Please, give me a person to love and be loved by that won't make me cry at least once a week. Give me a love that doesn't debilitate me when I am trying so hard to make them happy. To rack my brains so I say what they want me to. To do what they want me to.

I actually physically cannot do this anymore, it makes me sick to my core.

And I was having such a good day.

Why did you have to go and do that. And blame me for 'changing my mood'.

Lucky I have so much to do right now, hopefully I can just push through this one without breaking and  writing a four page letter again and paying 10 dollars that could have been 10 boxes of shapes to have it delivered to your stupid house.

I HATE EVERYTHING . I HATE EVERYONE.

LOVE IS STUPID.

I HATE LOVE.

I HATE IT.