here's what I think of everyone

WELWELWELLNOWNOWIHATEYOUWITHAPASHUNNBAABEH

I HATE YOU-The Monks

annette, please watch this

If it's Alive it Will-Angel Olsen

i hate love

shaking because of loneliness and abandonment of someone who doesn't even seem to care how I am, you never called to see how I was, you called to ask for a favour. So sick of always being put after other people by someone who I am always putting first. So absolutely sick of it. I have sobbed for a solid 25 minutes, like, the really audible kind. I am exhausted of so often sitting on my bed with my heart in my throat. Taken for granted. Thrown to the side. All the time. Treated as a person only when something is needed or wanted. Otherwise I am a ghost.

The same person said on saturday about a mutual friend "why would you treat your friends like that, who ever has that right?", seriously man. Seriously?

I refuse to deal with this any longer until you realise how much I cussing do for you and how much I am constantly thinking of you, so often you have promised and you have promised to reciprocate and nothing comes of your talk.

Please, give me a person to love and be loved by that won't make me cry at least once a week. Give me a love that doesn't debilitate me when I am trying so hard to make them happy. To rack my brains so I say what they want me to. To do what they want me to.

I actually physically cannot do this anymore, it makes me sick to my core.

And I was having such a good day.

Why did you have to go and do that. And blame me for 'changing my mood'.

Lucky I have so much to do right now, hopefully I can just push through this one without breaking and  writing a four page letter again and paying 10 dollars that could have been 10 boxes of shapes to have it delivered to your stupid house.

I HATE EVERYTHING . I HATE EVERYONE.

LOVE IS STUPID.

I HATE LOVE.

I HATE IT.

da fick brows

I'm taking a couple of weeks off of work, one of them to hang out with my cousin who is leaving on his mission for two years and then I will work for a week and then go up to queensland to see my other cousin who I haven't seen in about five months and would just really like to spend some time with her and talk about what has been going on in both of our lives before christmas and before we both begin a whole new year. 

I am really excited to do this, and so excited to have some time to myself to regain some of my sanity (hopefully).

yayayayayayayayayyayayayaayyyyyyy

I love plane trips by myself they are so fun

so excited

all day

all I can think about is annette and how much almost the rest of humanity repulse me hahahah and how good indian film music is I am going to watch Charulata now or maybe I will finish arrested development

^probably my best moment thus far

nov3

had a four hour sleep, woke up at 9pm, have work at 6am, don't know what to do

started my mission papers officially today, meaning I am in the system up and running, and it's all up to me now--getting them filled out. Nick leaves in one month today. Not coping very well. I don't really think anyone except the two of us can grasp how much we mean to each other--if that isn't true love I don't know what is. Just cause we're cousins doesn't mean we're just like chums and dudes...it's so full and always honest and easy and is everything I could ever want or dream of with someone. I can't wait for us to find people who we aren't related to who we can feel like this about.

^so weird--but so good

going to finish writing this dumb song so I can send it someone who is really important to me (hate da feels)

listen to this and have a cry because beautiful bela bartok

can't be stuffed typing the thing




and also this good one, not quite bartok but I'm sure he would have dug it just as much?



Cry to Me-Solomon Burke