I FEEL SO GOOD I FEEL SO GOOD THANK YOU TO BBY HOUSTON I FEEL SO GOOD YOU MAKE ME SO BUBBLY AND GIGGLY AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I FEEL LIKE I COULD RUN INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC AND SURVIVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO SPEND SO MANY HOURS WITH YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND BEAUTIFUL EVERYTHING ELSE INSIDE OF YOU THAT MAKES YOU SO SPECIAL. OH MY LAWD. JUST LIVE NEXT DOOR TO ME ALREADY PLEASE. UGH. I NEED TO HANG OUT WIT CHA ALWAYS. YOU ARE JUST SO. GOOD.

KIZZAZZLES.

X

heavy faces

lips are fountains
from which the water hearts pour
can be delivered to the parched

eyes are as much
the window to your soul
as they are the mirror to mine

hands that move through smoke and echo
weave patterns with vapour 
are more delicate than glass sheets

i wrote my name in the water
where it floated longer
than anyone i had written myself on

i long to hide 
this face and all the secrets kept
within it's heavy doors

I FEEL.

I feel like at the moment I am trying to keep so many people afloat with their problems and relationship issues and I am sinking so quickly trying to hold their heads above the water and I'm not standing on anything, I am relying only on the power of my body and it's not enough, I need solid ground underneath me so I can continue to do this but it's not there and I'm not being given any. I don't know what to do. I am so, so happy to help but I am struggling and sometimes I actually just want to sink.

Also, my beloved puppy dog Roxy has breast cancer.

But she'll be okay because the vet people will operate on her and fix her up.

Maybe I should just transform into a doggy.

I feel pretty terrible and have this impending doom feeling that I am going to be stuck with this role of 'buoy' for the rest of my life, and continue to be completely alone.

Wooh.

Vital fluids

An ocean brews within a star

A clear blue broth that washes away

Worry

And nerves

And boiling blood

Through a salty sea

I swim swiftly straight to you

I need three years to clear these thoughts

Rain King-Sonic Youth


THIS IS ACTUALLY THE BEST SONG.

I'm really hurt

IT'S SO HARD TO READ WHEN YOU HAVE PEOPLE IN YOUR BRAIN RUNNING AROUND WITH REALLY HEAVY STEPS. GET OUT.

Coffsywoffs down by a river oh yes

Don't you call anybody else baby

Been listening to Warpaint all day today, their harmonies are pretty perfect and just exactly what I need right now. I've had kind of a rough start to the new year and have already been through a few bouts of feeling so terrible about myself and right now I feel pretty rubbish and I don't know what to do about it, there is actually no one I can talk to about it because there are small barriers with everyone I know and no one can know ENTIRELY how I am feeling and that is so so hard sometimes I just need someone who can know everything. I called and sobbed to a friend the other night and wished I hadn't because I now feel so vulnerable and a little pathetic.
I don't know what to do with myself.
Maybe I need to just go away for a while or maybe forever as well.
Yeah okay, that's what I'll do.

Urgh, punch me please, I can't do anything right and all of my seams are coming undone.